I have been Demon-free since October of 1992. It’s been the peace of heaven sleeping through the nights and working through my days with the ability to think rationally. I’ve become a functional human, no longer sitting on the fence between the seen and the unseen. No more violent hallucinations, voices or irritated skin sensations from the electrical short in my temporal lobes.
However, I am in the 20% of the epileptic population that will always have recurring seizures despite medication. The anti-seizure medications allow me to be unconscious when my temporal lobe short-circuits with no hallucinations, voices or violence. The anatomy of a seizure was explained to me as follows: When one part of the brain short-circuits, the electrical waves of the rest of the brain to go into an ‘emergency shut-down’ mode (unconscious but on an ‘automatic pilot’ keeping required life systems operating) while the rest of the electricity rushes to the malfunctioning area to ‘fix’ the glitch in that particular region of the brain. This helps re-regulates the electrical pulses that were miss-firing. It hits the ‘refresh’ button and returns to normal rates. Then, I wake up… usually 10-15 seconds later. So the medication has stopped the most frightening part of this type of seizure. Now, when they occur, they are just an annoying pain in the …head.
All seizures have specific triggers (varied in individuals) like sudden and frequent temperature changes (warm house to the cold air… warm car to the winter cold park, then to a warm store, etc…) lack of sleep, lack of sex, low blood sugar and the bane of my existence… florescent lights. When seizures occur, it is usually a combination of triggers that cause the black-out.
I’d like to say here that I would go to any lengths to not have a seizure… but that is only partly true. I am a stubborn person and I have to keep up with at least the very basics of my life; walking the dog (in all kinds of weather), cleaning, shopping, the stress of paying bills , maintaining my house and garden, etc… Then comes the fun stuff; socializing, (I love, love, love to dance) , coffee with friends, parties and celebrations, walking in the woods, dressing up to go out and hear live music (more dancing). I CAN and do all of these things… just not all in the same day. I push myself constantly… perhaps obsessively, because… in my life… the seizures don’t rule, I do.
My neurologist once told me that she sees me as an impossibly delicate flower made out of steel. I think that sums it up.
